SWINE FLU!!!

Well you had to know it was coming...the swine flu post. For the past three days in the free papers they give out before and after work, there have been giant two page ads saying you may have swine flu if you have a temperature over 38 degree Celsius (100 degrees F) and one other symptom. Below is directly from the NHS website:

If you or a member of your family has any of the following symptoms and a temperature of 38°C or above, you may have swine flu.

The typical symptoms are:

* a sudden fever (a high body temperature of 38°C/100.4°F or above), and
* a sudden cough.

Other symptoms may include:

* headache,
* tiredness,
* chills,
* aching muscles,
* limb or joint pain,
* diarrhoea or stomach upset,
* sore throat,
* runny nose,
* sneezing, or
* loss of appetite.

You may now understand why there is massive panic in this country. Because basically if you have a cold and you're warm, you have swine flu. There have been cases I've read about where a girl called NHS direct (because if you suspect you have swine flu you are not allowed to go to the doctor because you might spread it), and they told her she had swine flu. She had a friend pick up the Tamiflu for her and she started taking it. A week later she was still sick, so she went to the emergency room and she had a kidney infection!! How is that the same?

My friend Verity told me an awesome story, about a friend of hers that had swine flu. Her friend, Mary (I don't know her name) suspected she had swine flu so she called NHS Direct. NHS Direct said, no you just have a cold, don't worry about it (I guess this was after misdiagnosing kidney infections around the world). So Mary continued her daily routine: saw her family, went to work, hung out with friends. A week later she thought her throat felt weird, so she looked in the mirror and saw little white things all down her throat. Mary went to the doctor and when she was finally seen the doctor YELLED at her for infecting the whole office, including himself. She said, what is the problem. He said "You have swine flu, and now the entire waiting room is infected!!" Mary said, well your people were the ones that told me it was a cold, I thought this was a throat infection, give me a freaking break! Mary was sent home immediately, but not before they told her she had to have someone who had not been in direct contact with her since her symptoms started to go pick it up for her. Mary said, well I've seen my family, friends, and work friends, so there is no one close that I could send. Oh, and the doctor told her that she had to make her boyfriend go check in a hotel because he was going to potentially be infected by living with her.

So fast forward to the next day. Mary's symptoms flare up, she has the flu officially. Her boyfriend did not in fact move out because he's not a complete jerk, but he did set her up in the living room with blankets, water, juice boxes in a cooler, the remote, and the phone. He headed off to work (if he didn't have it yet, clearly he was not going to get it), and left Mary to rest. Mary is expecting the nurse to drop off her Tamiflu since she couldn't have anyone pick it up for her. Outside she sees a truck with lights on top pull into a spot outside her apt building and waits for the nurse to come to the door. Five minutes later the phone rings.
"Hello Mary, this is Nurse Smith. I have your Tamiflu. Listen very closely. I will get out of my car, and bring the Tamiflu to your door step. I will ring the bell. You will wait until you see me securely in the car until you open your door to fetch the medication. DO NOT under ANY CIRCUMSTANCES open the door until you see me SECURELY in my vehicle. "
"Umm ok terrific."

So this who scene unfurls and Mary waits until she sees Nurse Smith SECURELY in her car giving a wave until she opens the Tamiflu.

After Mary finishes her Tamiflu the same scenario with Nurse Smith goes down with a cotton swab, a plastic vile, and several envelopes marked "BIO HAZARDOUS MATERIAL!" so Mary can swab her cheek to mail back to the NHS so they can confirm she's allowed to mix with the general population again.

This. Is. Ridiculous. I mean, seriously. And I didn't even have to exaggerate ANYTHING in that story! Its the freaking flu! Yes, it will suck to get it. You are in bed for 10 days. But, on the plus side, you're not at work, you get to watch tv all day and eat ice cream and drink juice, and you probably come out about 5 pounds on the thinner side! Where do I sign up?