London Burning

On Sunday morning in Scotland, we saw the paper that said there had been fires and rioting in Tottenham on Saturday night.  I didn't really think anything of it because a) I had no idea what was going on because I had read a paper since Thursday afternoon and b) Tottenham is greater north London, far from my house, and (honestly) not the nicest area to begin with so I didn't really think it would be a big deal.  I thought it was sad that things were burning, but on further inspection, I thought it was a backlash to the shooting on Thursday night and it would be isolated to that area.

Well I was wrong.  Throughout the day on Monday reports were coming in that the rioting had spread to Enfield and Croyden.  Enfield is also northish greater London, but Croyden was shocking because it's south.  Completely opposite end of the city.  Still not the greatest area though, so I though, maybe it's just a camaraderie thing.  

When I got to Clapham Junction station Monday after work, I saw about 10 cops hanging near the station and a news photographer talking to them.  I thought, well being precautious is a good thing, especially as Clapham Junction is one of the busiest station in the country.  I walked home (up Lavender Hill and the about 100 years down a side street) and then started unpacking from Scotland and organizing for my trip to LA.

My flatmate got home around 8 and said, I'm so glad you're home...it's starting to kick off down there.  She was getting her hair cut and when she got out a woman looked at her and said, honey you best get yourself home.  As flatmate was walking past ASDA, she saw kids in hoodies just sitting on the wall...almost as if they were waiting for something to happen.  

We turned on the news, I got on twitter and facebook, and we didn't move for 5 hours.  It's estimated that around 300 kids (yes...aged as young as 11 up to mid 20s) stormed Clapham Junction.  First they were hitting the bookies, stealing the big screen tvs.  Then they looted Wimpy's (a fast food place).  They continued throw bricks, rocks, anything into all the glass windows they could find.  They cleaned out Curry's (like Best Buy).  They then broke into Debenham's (like Bloomingdales or Macys) and cleaned it out.  They then turned their attention to JD Sports, because obviously they deserve some new kicks.  No one was hurting anyone or being aggressive to other people standing around watching (of which there were several).  They were just taking what they think they are owed by the rich people of London.

Here's what it looked like:

This carried on until about 10:30-11.  At that time, the police and the helicopters finally showed up.  As soon as they came, everyone cleared out.  I know they were busy in Croyden, which was much worse off than Clapham Junction, but still...get SOMEONE there to be present.  The helicopters hung around for a few hours and as long as flatmate and I heard them, we figured it would stay calm.  The left around 12:30-1.  At 1:05, flatmate came into my room asking if I smelled smoke.  We looked down our back alley (where kids had been running up and down occasionally) and saw black clouds billowing down the alley.  Back on twitter, I learned that the looters turned to pyrotechnics.  They set the Party Store on fire.  Then Party Store is a ground floor store in a string of stores with flats all above.  Around 1:30, the police were calling for an evacuation of the flats around the Party Store because apparently the lovely looters had thrown hydrogen/helium bombs in the store to keep the fire going.  Lovely.

Around 2:30 Caroline and I managed to fall asleep.  The next day, part of Lavender Hill was closed off, and the fire trucks were still there.  The station was open so, as Londoners have been know to do in times of strife, everyone carried on.  Everyone went to work and went on with their normal days.

Yesterday, the clean up started in Clapham Junction.  People came out en mass with brooms, dust pans, garbage bags, everything, to help start over.  Someone compared Clapham Junction station to hogwarts with the number of brooms that they had (a little english humor for you there..you're welcome).  Last night, we got let out early because it seemed like there was almost an unofficial curfew in London.  Shops were closing up, offices being let out early, police encouraging people to stay in.  So most of us did.  Also, the police wised up (after 4 days of rioting) and threatened to retaliate with force (rubber bullets) if necessary.  Crazy to think...but teenagers don't like being shot!  So they stayed away.  Also, I saw someone say "of course there's no looting tonight...all the looters are home watching their new plasma screen tvs!"  Which I thought was funny.  


Overall, London is back to normal (seemingly).  The clean up has started, the riots have moved on (to Manchester, Birmingham, anywhere the police don't have the manpower just yet), and we're back to our normal days.  


Two disturbing things I did see/hear are:

http://audioboo.fm/boos/434411-leana-hosea-speaks-to-croydon-looters-on-bbcworldservice

and this image: http://yfrog.com/z/h07mxcyzj

Let that be a lesson to you new parents out there...teach your kids that they aren't entitled and don't deserve anything besides a chance at happiness.  And even that you have to work for.

Scotland

My friend Maura is a school nurse, so she gets the summers off.  Big bonus!  This year, she and her sister decided to take a month long vacation to Ireland.  They are staying in a farmhouse and having a very relaxing time shaking off the stress of the east coast (of America).  Maura suggested we meet up for a weekend trip and we decided on Scotland since neither of us had been there.

We both booked tickets to go into Glasgow.  We were going to do Glasgow for a night and then take the train to Edinburgh for a few days.  We hit a small hitch when a week before we were meeting I tried to book hotels in Edinburgh and found out it was the Fringe Festival (http://www.edfringe.com/) aka the biggest festival in Scotland.  Thousands of performers, tens of thousands of people...no hotels.  So we decided we'd stay in Glasgow the whole time and then take the train to Edinburgh for the day.

I got there on Thursday night around 11 pm and met Maura in the hotel room.  It's been a few months since we've seen each other, but probably 5 years since we've had one on one time, so we had tons to talk about.  We went to bed a few hours later and woke up the next morning to have breakfast and then head to Edinburgh.

When we got there, they were just setting up for the festival because Friday was the first day.  First of the list was Edinburgh Castle, obviously.  The jewels were meh...but the cool part was the prisoner of war area.  Most of the soldiers that were captured during the American Revolution were housed in Edinburgh Castle.  It's crazy the different treatment they got - worse treatment - from the Spanish and French POWs because they were considered traitors.  So the Americans got less food, worse sleeping quarters (just hammocks instead of beds), and they didn't get released when the other POWs got releases.  Always trying to hold the man down!!  It was really cool to see the carvings in the doors of ships with the American flag on the back and the tagging from the 1700s and 1800s:

SO COOL!

After the castle we strolled around for a few hours doing nothing in particular.  We sat in the park, went to a free tasting, went to a beer tent, just really enjoyed the scene!  Then we headed back to Glasgow because we thought we'll get there in time for dinner and then we can go out.  Well we ended up substituting dinner for a bottle of wine on the train, a bag of wasabi peas, and some Percy Pigs (candy).  Maura loved the idea of traveling while enjoying a glass of wine.  

When we got back to Glasgow we headed out on the town and then called it a night around 1 because we had another trip on Saturday morning.  Maura's sister Molly is dating a Scottish guy who lives in America.  His family lives 40 minutes outside Glasgow.  When he found out Maura and I would be there, he insisted that we spend the night with his family.  It was awesome!  His mom picked us up and drove us around all the sites of his town, and then we went to her house, dropped our stuff, and then his sister, her fiance, and his two brothers, their wives and kids all came over for dinner.  It was soo fun to be around the kids the family.  They were really welcoming and sweet and we were up until 3 am talking!!  I was ready for bed around 1 but that would have been rude so I powered through!  

Sunday morning we headed back to Glasgow, found Maura a place to stay and then went to dinner at an Indian place that was really good.  

Overall I would say that the best part of Scotland was definitely the fun times with Molly's boyfriend's family.  I don't know that I would spend a lot of Glasgow or Edinburgh in the future, but I'm glad to have checked it off the list! 

Ke$ha - the concert that didn't happen

Following our excitement from the amazingness of the Katy Perry concert, V and I thought it would be really fun to see Ke$sha in concert.  Her songs are fun, she seems a bit crazy, and the venue was the same one where we saw Katy.  Before we knew it, the day of the concert was upon us.  After work, V and I met at Hammersmith Station and hit the McDonald's.  We were dressed in our work dresses and responsible commuting flats.  Looking around us at McDonald's, I saw gaggles of girls with glitter on their faces sitting with one women who was about 40 (repeat throughout several tables).

"oh that's nice..the mom is taking her daughter and friends to the concert," we thought.  Not thinking anything else of it, we finished our meals and headed towards the venue.  When we got there, we looked around and felt a bit like my cousin Vinny and Marisa Tomei when they arrived in that southern town.  We stuck out like SORE THUMBS.  Let me describe the different categories of people around us:

1) 10-13 year old girls all glittered up, teased hair, and dollar signs on their shirts, followed a few steps behing by their moms
2) 13-16 year olds withOUT any parents.  These children were wearing cut off tops, shirts that were strategically torn, hot pants, lots of make up and lots of glitter.  They were not accompanied by adults, but by one of two groups of boys:
     a) a group of very tall boy
     b) a group of not as tall gay boys

All of the parties in group 2 were also carrying soda bottles that were not containing soda.  The time was about 6:40.  V and I looked around and felt VERY out of place.  We tried to imagine what it would be like on the inside.  I pointed out that at last the line at the bar would be short since none of these people can legally drink.

We then thought about it logically.  Doors opened at 7, Ke$ha probably wouldn't go on until 9, we won't get home until 11, and (let's be honest) we're probably going to have to get PRETTY drunk to have a good time here while being pushed around with the teenagers.  We debated going to the pub that's a responsible train journey away from both of our houses, and then thought, no.  Let's suck it up and go in.

And then....

One of the people in group 2b (that's the little gay boys) threw up.  In the line.  At 6:45.  His friends all laughed.  They started taking pictures and shouting "get down with the vomit so I can take a picture!"

I looked at V.  "Pub?"  And we left.

Of course, we went to the pub, had a few bottles of wine and ended up feeling pretty bad the next day, but at least we were around other people in work clothes so it made it all ok!

4th of July

On the 9th of July I held the second annual 4th of July bbq.  This is a total misnomer because a) it's not on the 4th of july and 2) it's not a bbq.  You can't have bbqs in parks in London, so it's just a bring food type thing.  The weather was (shocker) precarious all day, and so at 1:30 my phone started blowing up with texts and calls asking what the story was with the bbq.  Are we inside or outside.  With Am's guidance, I decided to stick with outside.  We can be under a tree and hope for the best.

After one little showery spell, we ended up getting the best!  It was sunny and lovely and there was tons of food and drink to keep everyone happy.  I even taught a few brits how the throw the old pig skin around:

yYou would have been proud dad.  You probably would not have been as proud when one of the other americans turned up and we shot gunned a strongbow.  I would like point out that I do not ever recall doing this in college.  I have always managed to avoid it.  But I wasn't getting out of this one:

Heather beat me by a few seconds, which I think is pretty good since I don't think I've ever done this before and she's like 3 years younger than me :) 

The party continued back at my place when the sun went down and then we ventured to the bar.  Overall, it was a great celebration of America's awesomeness!  

Christenings gone Wild

The weekend between the two weddings was little Tankerton's christening party.  It started out like any other christening.  Well...I guess not really.  We were at the church and the baby to adult ratio was about 1:1.  I could really pay attention to what was going on or stop laughing because all of the little babies and kids were "feeling the spirit" as the priest called it.  No one was really crying or screaming, but they were definitely all engaged in dialog with God.  It was hysterical.

We get through mass and head back to S and big james' house.  It was a great party!  TONS of food, lots of booze, and lots of really fun people.  Around 6 pm, all of the kiddies got taken away to grandma and grandpa's house, or went home with one of their parents.  It was funny, you could almost see a collective exhale from the parents that were left.  It was finally time for them to get down.  And get down we all did.  Around 11:30 my flatmate and her bf showed up.  The party was going.  At about 12:30-1, me, my flatmate, her bf and her BFF all decided to share a cab home.  Right as we are calling it, the BFF, very excited about Tank entering the holy family, falls over.  Onto a table with lots of glasses.  We all laugh, ha ha ...BFF are you ok?  Yes, yes, I'm fine hahah.  I say, ok cab will be here in a sec, I'm going to go to the bathroom.  When I come back out, BFF is sitting on a chair with my flatmate, S and big james sitting all around her pressing towels on her knee.  I hear my flatmates bf say "A&E" - brit talk for ER - and I just think, what the hell happened?

Apparently when the BFF fell down and landed on the glass, she cut her knee open.  Badly.  So the cab comes and the 4 of us pile in directing the cab to the closest A&E.  S gives us an extra bag of cheetos for the road saying we might be there a while.  How bad can it be?  It's 1 am in Cockfosters (end of the Piccadilly line...still London but like the suburbs)...what else could be going on?

Nothing, it turns out.  Nothing else is going on there.  Despite this, it still takes us 6.5 hours to get out of there.  So 6.5 hours, a sun rise (not as fun to watch as everyone says, by the way), 5 stitches and a bag of cheetos later, we're back in a cab on the way home.  Flatmate, her bf and I pile out of the cab, sleep walk up the stairs and then emerge 5 hours later to try and salvage the nicest day we've had all year.

Turns our a christening was the latest night I've had since college.  Who would have though?

Weddings weddings everywhere

I was thinking about this last night and it's probably poor form to write about people's hen dos (aka Bachelorette parties ...I don't know why they call them "hens" but in brit-talk a hen is the bride.  and a do is a party.  so the bride's party).  That's like letting the cat out of the bag with all the secrets!  However, I can reveal that during one of them, I ended up looking like this:

because we did a music video of "Hit Me Baby One More Time".  That was funny.  Less funny was when the best man had the video played at the wedding.

Marissa and L's weddings were both amazing though.  Marissa's was in Italy in the Italian Riviera in a place called Santa Margarita.  SOO much fun.  On the way into town we passed an Irish Pub and I said, whatever we do, can we please NOT go there!  Night one, after the VERY beautiful wedding on the cliffs over looking the ocean, we're out on the town.  The bar closes at 1.  We ask where else is still open?  The Irish pub of course.  So we end up there, made friends with the bartender, and went back late night every night.  We also made friends with a bunch of American and Irish people that were on our flight out of London for a wedding the next day.  It was a great time!

L's wedding was beautiful as well.  It was very different though as it was all in London - so we wore facinators!  Cam was in town from California for both of these, so it was soo good to have the "single girl" crew back in action.  Even though 50% of the single girl crew is no longer single!  But we still had an amazing time!

On your bike!

My friends V and J (Americans living in London) have a flat in Paris because they lived there for a few years before landing in London.  They are one of my favorite couples.  V is a jersey girl (holler) and so smart and funny and fun and J is just one of the most thoughtful guys in the world, and always up for an adventure.  One night at book club we decided that we should take a weekend trip to Paris....yes I realize how pretentious that sounds, but I'm over it.  :)

A few months later and several emails, V, J, Am, H and I are off to Paris.  H is also a good friend.  We went to college together and both randomly ended up in London.  She's also very fun.  We were all leaving on the o'dark thirty train out of St Pancras, and - of course - Am and I were bad girls and went out the night before.  Oopsies.  Well Am didn't partake as much as I did, so when I showed up at St Pancras I was a little worse for wear, but I napped on the train and woke up feeling much better.  I was in Paris after all, time to get over it!  We got there, dropped our stuff at V's AMAZING pad in Marmot and then headed down to a cafe for some wine and lunch.  We then walked around a bit to see some of the sites.

BACKGROUND: V and H are both very big bikers.  They love it.  They are good at it.  I have not been on a bike in about 15 years.  Not because I don't like bike, but just because I haven't been on one.

OK back in Paris now.. V suggests that we get some bikes and ride through town.  I was nervous about this. Mostly because of the whole 15 years thing and the fact that we A) didn't have helmets and B) 15 years ago when I was on a bike, it was in the suburbs of new jersey where you wouldn't see a car for 20 minutes at a time.  They convinced me that it would be fine.  Am saw it as an adventure.  I was terrified. I got anyway. I rode between everyone, so I was never last.  However even this didn't seem to save me.  Most of the time there were bike lanes.  A few times, there weren't.  We were on the major roads.  When this happened, V would go - perfectly fine, Am would go - perfectly fine, I would go - garbage truck pulls in front of me, H goes - perfectly fine.

me in the forefont clenching a smile, everyone else having the time of their lives 

This repeated several times, except substitute garbage truck for car door opening, woman with stroller, German shepherd (even though it was french, it did understand when I yelled "out of the way poochie!!" at it). I rang my bell to try and save me.  H reminded me that no one can hear that except us and it wasn't going to save me.  So please stop.

At the end of the day, though, it was all made worth while.  We met J at the Eiffel tower at 8 or 9 and he had an entire picnic waiting for us complete with bottles of wine, baguettes, cheeses, cherry tomatoes, spreads, blankets AND jackets for all us in case we got cold (see I told you he was thoughtful).  So we dug in.  It was soo much fun.  We made friends with the people all around us, some of whom had a guitar who played and we sang.  Then we bought some more wine from the little men who were walking around selling supplements to those picnic-ers who didn't expect their night to go on as long as it did.  Around 3:30 am after lots of laughs, great food, and some lovely wine, we decided to pack it in.

The next morning we woke up, had a lovely brunch, and then hit the town to do some more touristy things and bit of shopping.  At 5 pm we met J at a jazz cafe off the beaten path.  It was amazing.  I've never seen live jazz, but I've learned that I love it.  I felt like I was in a trance when I was watching these three guys play. It was so relaxing and fun!  Then we headed off to V and J's old local dinner place.  It is run by the two gay guys who hate everyone and were soo funny.  Well, hate everyone except V and J of course!  The food was amazing.  We stumbled back home in a food coma and called it a night.  Monday morning we woke up, took the 7 am or something train back to London and then headed into work.  Overall...AMAZING weekend!!

A few more things...

I still have to write about:
1) Trip to paris with V and J and the girls
2) Marissa's hen do and wedding
3) Lindsey's hen do and wedding
4) Tank's Christening
5) 4th of July
6) Ke$ha - the concert that never happened

And then I'll be caught up.  But these are really big things and I've exhausted my brain so I can't think any more. TBC...

Bored - My wedding

I was at a day long conference in May (that's what we're up to right now) and there was one session that was the most boring thing I had ever sat through in my entire life.  It was like if my International Finance professor combined with that old nun that taught me some philosophy course.  Imagine if they had a child, and that child had a monotone voice, a bad sense of humor, and the most boring subject matter ever.  Give that child a microphone and that was the hell that I was in.

So I was looking around the table trying to figure out what to do.  My mind started wandering.  I thought "I wonder if I got married tomorrow, who would I invite to the wedding?"  This will be a fun game!  So I started.

Immediate family - 4 plus my brother's gf = 5
Aunts, uncles, cousins, grandma (no dates) = 35
Second cousins and their families who are basically like my cousins (not all of them but just the ones that we're close to) = 36 (and I'm pretty sure I missed some)

Friends.

This is where it got tricky.  I counted 65 that I definitely would want to invite, and there were 4 maybes.  The maybes, I've just decided, are getting the ax because I'm obviously WAY to popular for maybes :)

Total wedding = 141

Based on this, I had to make some tough decisions:
1) I need to marry someone I already know...Ideally someone who is already in my circle of friends
2) I need to marry someone who comes from a big family as well...I can't have my crazy family (yes, we're a bit crazy) scaring the man off after I've finally managed to trick him into marrying me.

Luckily, I have quite some time to think about this.

Barnsley Weekend

My friend Am is from Barnsley.  For those of you who don't know, Barnsley is a working class town in South Yorkshire, which is actually up north.  Am has met my parents, V's parents, and her brother was having a bday party so thought it would be a good time for me to meet her parents, and get me outside the M25 again.

I took the train up there which was painless, and Am picked me up at the train station.  She drove me all around her town, showed me her parents old shop, her old house, and then we finally arrived at her house.  Immediately when you walked in it smelled amazing.  Like good comfort food.  I've met her brothers before and they are always really warm and welcoming, so I expected nothing less from her family.  They were all amazing.  She took me over to the garage where they had a refrigerator (like the ones in 7-11) filled to the brim with booze.  Beer, white wine, cider, rose...everything.  Then there was liquor on the table.  I said, sarcastically, "Do you think you've got enough booze?"  Am replied, "Yeah...I don't know...I hope so...well people will bring stuff too so that's ok."  And she was serious.  And right.

The party was a huge success.  In the course of ten hours I think I had 4 complete meals.  It was like being at my great Aunt's house..."You need to eat more...here take some more...let me just put a little more on your plate".  And I loved every minute of it.  By the time 3 am rolled around we were all in the kitchen drinking the last few bottles of beer just hanging out and having random conversations (as you do at 3 am).  By this point I had mostly mastered the accent, although I'm sure I still sounded like a total weirdo to all of them!

Sadly on Sunday I had to head back home...but I am definitely up for a trip back!

Royal Wedding! - April 29th

The day of the Royal Wedding was a magical one...mostly because we had the day off and the weather was tolerable in the morning, turning to sunshine in the evening.  I woke up in time to see the procession of royals, famous people, politicians (can we please talk about the fact that Sam Cam didn't have a hat on!?), and finally her royal hottness (as they have taken to calling Pippa) and Kate.

I thought Kate looked absolutely amazing if not a tiny bit too skinny.  But she looked every bit the royal and was absolutely stunning and classy!  After watching on my couch while drinking some coffee, and then scolding my flatmate for stumbling down in the last ten minutes (me: I hope you realize you just missed the biggest even of the year.  him: oh ..yeah..I suppose I did.  oops).

Before "the kiss" I got ready and headed up to my friend's Royal Wedding BBQ in cockfosters (tee hee).  It was basically like one of those really great, chill bbq's where all of a sudden it's pitch black and you are all feeling a little tipsy but you don't even know where the day went because you've had so much fun!

However, after two 4 day weekends in a row, my 27 year old body was aching.  I had too much fun and my body was punishing me for it.  So the first week back to work after the second bank holiday resulted in me being in bed at a responsible hour for four days in a row.  I don't think I can handle two four day weekends in a row again.

Paris, London - April

The beginning of April found me in Paris for an event my company was putting on.  It was a big success which I was very happy about, and the best thing was that it was gorgeous weather!  We were at the Ritz which was amazing, and the weather was great.  The dinner on Thursday night was a boat cruise down the Seine and we couldn't have had better weather for it!  Overall, great trip.

The only downside was that I got home on Friday night, spent all day packing on Saturday and then moved on Sunday.  Luckily I have very dedicated friends and a nice man with a van who helped make the process nearly painless!

The next weekend was my friend Marissa's hen do (aka bachelorette party).  We started out at the hotel in central London that Marissa and her fiancée's sister were staying at.  I came fully armed with a few games and lots of bachelorette paraphernalia to decorate the room and Marissa!  After a few drinks, a few games and several laughs, we walked over to a great Spanish restaurant.  There I met a little boy wearing an Eli Manning jersey.  His dad saw me point at it and later said "Are you a Giants fan?" I said, yes big Giants fan, big Eli fan.  He's going to be my husband one day.  His dad looked at his son and said "Son, do you want to tell the nice lady that Eli's wife might have a problem with that?"  I said oh don't worry...Eli's just getting his blonde phase out of the way.  He'll come around.

After dinner, we headed over to Mahiki.  I had never been here before, but there it's known for it's ability to attract royalty out on the weekend and weekdays.  While we didn't spot any royalty, we did have a good time.  Some of the married/taken women at the party did there best to lure some nice boys (and I say boys because they looked like they just walked out of the J Crew for kids catalog) to talk to the non-taken ladies on the party.  We (well...most of us) politely declined chatting with the boys and went back to dancing like fools by ourselves.  The night wrapped up at various times for everyone, but we all reconvened the next morning for brunch at this great pub right on the water.  Definitely a successful weekend!

Katy Perry - March 18th

Hey ok I'm back.  It's 31 degrees C (88 degrees F) here in London, which means it's about 85 degrees in my office.  This, combined with the fact that all of our Directors are out (either sick or on vaca), makes it near impossible to do work, so I'll do some blog catching up instead.

Back in March, V, Amrit, Amrit's flatmate and I went to Katy Perry.  She was playing at the Hammersmith Apollo which is a REALLY small venue.  It can hold up to 5,000.  We thought it would be a really fun place to see her concert.  So we went!

The concert was awesome.  We got there and the line was around the building.  Our tickets were standing tickets in the pit so we were a little nervous at first when we saw so many people, but when we got in there was still tons of room.  Rather than push our way as front as possible, we stood in the back - perfectly positioned between the bathroom, the bar, and a back wall to lean on.  I wore my new American flag dress:

The opening act was not so great.  They were a french techno-y band.  The lead singer made the mistake of saying "We are from Paris..Ze greatest city in ze world!"  That did not go down well.  But once they were gone, the lights went down.  You know you're old when you're at a concert lights go down and everyone around you pushes forward, and all of you just look back at your bags to make sure they are still there.  Oh well...welcome to mid life!  At least I had one of the best outfits at the concert!

Katy put on an awesome show!  She was very entertaining, and she was great live!  I'd highly recommend the concert if you have a chance to go.

I'm still alive

Greetings anyone who actually hasn't given up on this blog!  I'm not dead.  I have a list of about 20 blog posts of things that have happened in the past three months that need to go up.  I just don't have time.  Well, that's a lie.  I do have time, but during the time I have at home to do this, I can't stand the idea of looking at a computer screen.  Work has been really busy and things just got taken up to a whole new level of crazy here, which means the 10 minutes that I'm taking to do this is the only time I will not being doing something work related today.

I promise I will come back!!

Guest Blogger - The funniest person in the world

Several of my friends in the States have given this dating site called okcupid a try.  It's free, and you definitely get what you pay for, but it's something fun to occupy the time.  My friend Lady J went on a date last night with a guy she met on the site.  Lady J and I lived together for 3.5 years after college.  We knew each other for like 2 years in college.  She is one of the most sarcastic, hysterical people I know.  When I got a text from her last night during the date, I knew there would be a story.  She sent the story through today.  I have to share it for you because I just got told to SHH in my office when reading it because it made me laugh so hard.  Here is her story:

Here is the breakdown:

 

I knew I was taking a risk because he admitted that he was a broke student, but I gave it a shot because I thought, you know - he is really funny and may be really great.  Now, I will give him this - he let me know, up front, that he was poor AND he was a funny person  online.  That's all he gets.  Here goes.

 

Sam asks me to go to Silver Spring, strike 2, but hindsight is 20/20 and a raging bitch.  So, I go to Takoma which is pretty much what I think Hell looks like on a sunny day, and I am standing there, texting him like where the fuck are you and then I turn around and see him.  He is wearing glasses, which he did not include in his profile pictures.  I don't mind glasses, but be honest about who you are.  So I am automatically disgusted and want to punch him in the face for being ugly and awkward.  He has a pot belly and is short.  He also makes weird movements with his face because he is awkward.  He has a laugh that, I truly believe, is what makes birds fly south for the winter, and he really dressed up for me by wearing a plaid flannel button up shirt which I'm sure he got as a Christmas gift in 1995.  His car is a piece of shit that sounded like it was about to either explode or quit that bitch.  He made several comments about how he was actually making the car "go" by using his feet like Fred Flinstone.  Then he informed me that he needed to get gas, but looked shocked when he asked if I wanted to stand outside with him while he pumped it and I said no, I'm all sorts of set.  He also apologized for the car smelling like cigarettes, because his "friends" smoke.  This comment will come full circle later.

 

We get to downtown Silver Spring and park.  He tells me he forgot that it was St. Patrick's Day, so the bar he wanted to take me to, which I later found out is more like a bar that would fit perfectly in the Miracle Mile Strip Mall in Monroeville, was packed.  He asked if I wanted to go take a look anyways and I said, no, because I did not want to be at a place where people would be giving me the side eyes for being with someone who looked like a budget Kurt Cobain impersonater.  So we go this this place called the Quarry House Tavern, which is a  hole in the wall and really does look like 1 of the 7 layers of Hell.  It's in a dingy basement and I couldn't help but look around to see if Stabler and Olivia were going to come out from the kitchen to tell everyone that we had to leave because this dungeon bar was an official crime scene.  Of course, they'd probably walk out to tell me I was on the "Dates from Hell, Bloopers Reel."

 

So, we get a table and I ask for the specials.  Everything Irish is $5, including Jameson and Guinness.  I order a Jameson and Coke and he orders a Guinness.  We chat and things are fine.  He tells me that his dream of becoming the next Paul Potts (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Paul_Potts) died when he realized that he had terrible stage fright.  Um, come again?  He was a musical theater major in College.  I actually had to hold my eyes shut for a few minutes for fear that my eyeballs would literally roll out of my head. He then tried at one point to impress me by singing, in an opera voice, the words to Bon Jovi's Living on a Prayer which was playing in the background.  More like living on a fucking nightmare island, where you can never wake up so you can never leave.  He also asked me about my ex bf's.  I said, I date meatheads.  He tells me that he was once addicted to video games, and his friends used to play an NHL game.  I said, ha, I date meatheads.  He finishes his Guinness and because $5 is way too expensive, he asks for a PBR and drinks it out of the can sideways.  At this point, if throat chopping someone in public was an acceptable form of tellings someone to shut the fuck up I would have Jackie Chan'd his ass. 

 

So, I am texting the entire time and then feel bad about this, so I lie and say it's for work and also say that my friend was sick and I needed to go to the store for her.  I made it very elaborate, so he bought it and I now had an out to leave after my drink was finished.  He then asked me if I smoked.  Since I had already won a Golden Globe and an Emmy for my performance thus far, I kept going and said, no.  He said, OK, well I am really craving one, is it OK if I go outside and try to bum one from someone.  I should have slapped him in the face and ran out, but I wanted to save that for later, so I said, no, go ahead.  He asked if I wanted to come outside while he tried to beg for butts and I said, no I don't want to lose our table.  He then proceeded to try and ask the waitress, who, at this point, I think caught on to the fact that if I could have mastered the art of sponataneou combustion I would have gone for the gold, if she could watch or table.  I said, NO, go outside, I'm not going.  He went.  I texted Lauren, who had bbm'd me earlier and told her what was going down.  He came back and apologized for going out.  Lauren called me to try and get me out of the date again.  I swear, with the amount of "emergencies" my friends were having last night you'd think Sam would have Sherlock fucking Holmes'd that shit and realized what was up, but no.  So, he then tells me that I am beautiful and when I say, what?  He said, oh, nothing, no, you're beautiful.  I say, thanks.  He then pulls out a list of "talking points" that he picked up from the info on my profile and starts to ask me questions.  I want to kill myself.  He tells me about the times he has pissed the bed.  I want to kill myself and him.  He tells me that he is telling me too much, but that he is comfortable with me.  I want to blow up the motherfucking bar.

 

We get the check and I throw down my $5 and $2 for the tip.  He pulls out his cash.  I start to see the light.  I am so close to freedom I can taste it.  It tastes exactly like Yellow Tail's Cab Sauv and a Marlboro Light.  Delicious.

 

We're walking out and I see him veering towards me, repeatedly sticking his hand out towards me like I'm going to grab on to that shit.  Bitch, please.  I am looking at my phone and put my hands in my pockets.  We get to the parking garage and get in the elevator.  He looks over at me and says, I really want to, No, and I said, what and he leaned in to try and kiss me.  I put out my hand as if I were about to Hesiman that shit and said, No, I don't do that.  He said, ever?  I said, not on first dates.  Or ever with people who literally make my skin crawl.  We get in the car, he apologizes for trying to make out with me, I said, it's fine.  I have now stopped talking.  He asks if it is OK if he stops at 7-Eleven to get cigarettes.  I said, no.  I should have just gotten out of the car and sprinted while waving my middle finger and yelling FREEEEEEEEEDOM, but I didn't.  He came back and dropped me off.  He sped off. 

 

During or date he informed me that he was NOT in medical school, had not yet been accepted to medical school and had NOT EVEN taken the MCATS yet to see if he could get into medical school.  He was taking classes to get his post-bac shit because he was musical theater major.  Now, I get that you're broke because you're in school, but you are only taking classes PART TIME, you live with your Step-Mom because you had a falling out with your Mother (yes, he told me this as well), you should get a fucking job, or don't but don't go on an online dating site.  You are NOT datable. 

 

So, another one bites the dust.  Sad, but the entire time I kept thinking about how mad I was that I was with a fucking joker and not working out.  Sad has never looked so pathetic.

Lent

This year for Lent I decided to try and better myself and make a more positive impact at work.  I was going to give up rolling my eyes and making snarky comments and pulling faces at work.  For every time I did, I put £1 in a jar which I would donate to charity.  Seemed like it would be easy!  I decided this at 9 am on Ash Wednesday.


9:30 - company meeting...rolled my eyes.  £1 in the jar
10:30 - My computer takes 5 minutes to send an email....made a snarky comment. £1 in the jar
11:30 - meeting at work...made several snarky comments and rolled my eyes several time.  £3 in the jar
12:30 - come out of meeting with a task list a mile long.  Task list consists of things that a senior director should be doing herself, but for whatever reason, has chosen not to.  I make an announcement to my team.  


"Look guys, I'm putting £10 in the jar.  This should is going to cover me for the rest of the day."


£20 later...I decide I need to find a new thing to give up.  


In my defence, I've had a bit of a rough week.  Monday night, some prospective tenants stopped by to look at the flat.  They asked if they could test the water pressure in the shower.  When they turned it on, it was just a dribble.  I said, huh that's weird, but maybe it's because I just got home from work and the boiler hasn't turned on.  I swear it's good pressure.  I go to bed thinking, huh the heat's not really working, but it's supposed to be the coldest week we've had in a month, so maybe it's just getting warmed up.


Tuesday morning, wake up to shower.  The water pressure is still just a dribble and it's freezing.  I try and figure out what the problem is, but just suck it up and shower with it.  Not a great start to the morning.  I get to work and email my contact at the agency asking her to check it out.  I get an out of office from her.  I forward the email to a colleague of her's whose contact info I also have asking if she can help me. 


"Hi Kat

Sorry no, I can’t help unfortunately. Liz will be back in the office tomorrow.

Thanks

Hannah"

I reply back and inform her that not having heat or hot water qualifies as an emergency that's she's legally obligated to help with, so if she won't help me, she needs to find someone who will.  Magically, I get a call 20 minutes saying a plumber is on his way out.  

At 5:15 (9 hours later) I get word that a plumber has been by, has found nothing wrong so he "re pressurizes" the pump, and all should be resolved.  I get home that night and, shocker, it hasn't been fixed.  I call the agency and they say ok well we'll send some contractors out tomorrow AM to take a look to fix the problem.  I spend the night with no heat or hot water.  Awesome. 

Wednesday morning I get to work early to shower in the shower we have in the office.  My CEO had a lovely surprise when I walked out of the bathroom (clothed) with a towel on my head.  I call the agency and say, what's going on.  They are sending people out now.  In the afternoon I hear back.  The pump is broken and therefore no water pressure.  Since no water is going through the hot water heater, there is no heat either.  They are ordering the part and it should be here tomorrow (Thursday).  Spend the night with no heat or hot water.  It hits a low of 30 degrees Fahrenheit (0 Celsius) overnight.

This morning I got to the office early to take a shower here again, only to find the cleaner in the bathroom for 20 minutes.  By the time she gets out, my CEO is here.  I don't really feel comfortable getting in a shower with my boss 20 yards from me.  I'm currently sitting in my own filth.  Luckily, we've got people in the office who are far smellier than I am, so I just try and give wide berth to everyone and no one seems to notice.  I've called, left a vm, followed up with an email, and finally things seemed to be fixed.  Hopefully tonight I'll go home to a warm flat and can take a hot shower.  

I'm now giving up gossip websites instead.  If this week is any indication of what the next few weeks are going to be like, I think giving up snarky faces is going to send me to the poor house.  

"I need some help to make my neighbor's yappy dog disappear"

For Christmas, apparently my next door neighbor (who lives in the ground floor flat) got his little lady a dog.  Or his little lady got him a dog.  Either way, there is now a yappy dog living in the ground floor flat next to me.  I first discovered this fact when I was woken up by the yapping of said dog at 7:30 am.

This may not seem early to most of you.  But it is for me.  We don't have to be at work until 9:30 am.  Usually I'm here between 9-9:15.  I usually get out of bed at 7:45.  This dog interrupted my snooze.  It wouldn't have been awful if the dog was just barking to get back inside.  He just barks.  At birds mostly (who live in the trees in his back yard).  But also at the wind.  Or a leaf.  Really anything.  He barks for the entire 30 mins his lovely owners leave him outside for.

I tried to outsmart the dog.  I'll get up earlier.  So I started setting my alarm for 7:15.  Somehow, they knew.  Now, every day, no matter when I set my alarm for, five minutes BEFORE the alarm goes off, the dog gets let outside and starts barking.  And doesn't stop until about 1 minute before I need to get out of bed.

I'm beginning to have a new sympathy for my neighbors growing up having to deal with Spider.  In my parents' defence, our closest neighbor was about 40 yards from our house.  Not attached.

I'm very close to knocking on their door this weekend and asking if they have any plans to train their dog.

I also am close to not caring that much since I handed in my notice to get the heck out of that apartment.  Movin' on down...to the SW side.

Toilet Etiquette

Working in the professional world, I guess I make some assumptions about the level of cleanliness some people have.  No, cleanliness is the wrong word...I guess more it's respect of others around you and how your behavior impacts them.

In the past 7 months or so, we've made a few new hires in the office.  Most of them are women.  We have two cubicles in our bathroom area.  One is marked as women's and as a sink in there, and the other is marked as men's.  Outside of the two little cubicles (I would say stalls, but they are like little rooms more, with floor to ceiling walls and doors) is a bigger sink, and then a door where you exit the bathroom area from.  Directly next to the bathroom area is the kitchen.

Also in the past 7 months, we've had problems in the ladies room.  People are not checking to see if the flush is effective (this building is like, hundreds of years old and I'm pretty sure that was the last time any kind of piping was updated), there's toilet paper on the ground, it just plain smells, etc.  I've tolerated it for a while, with no idea how to correct this kind of behavior.  How do you tell 27-45 year olds to not do number two in the toilet on our floor, go to the public stalls on the other floors?  And how do you say, and if you happen to do a number 2, take care of it.

Well in January I finally hit a breaking point.  After almost throwing up from the stench in the bathroom in the morning, I had a breakdown.  Out loud.  That involved lots of yelling about how I'm tired of working in a frat house.  Three hours later, I went back into the bathroom and found a floater.  I returned to my desk and then managed to find the way to toilet train 27-45 years olds.  In a mass email. To the entire London office:

To:  London offices
Subject: Toilet Etiquette

Hi all,

For those of you who were witness to my rant earlier this morning, I apologize.  Despite the fact that my rant was loud and obnoxious, it was clearly not effective. 

Just as a reminder to us all, this is an OLD building with poor plumbing.  This is also a tiny office space.  When you flush the toilet, take a second to look back and make sure everything goes down.  No one likes walking into someone else’s toilet leftovers.  I have twice today and it’s not a pleasant experience.  Also, there is a toilet brush in there.  It’s easy to use. 

As a reminder, we also have access to the ladies on the second floor and the gents on the fourth floor.  You don’t need a code, just turn the knob.  They are great to use if you require more privacy. 

I know we are all adults here and probably don’t live in filth at home.  There’s no need for it in the office. 

Thanks all,

Kat   

Later that day I was in the kitchen my CEO walked by.  

CEO: "Toilet leftovers?"

me: "well...I couldn't figure out how to spell remninces."  

I still can't.

Bless.

Office manager (who is Irish): Kat, do you watch Grey's Anatomy?
Me: No
OM: (gives me a confused look with that head turning thing my dog used to do) But...you're american.
Me: Yes.
OM: And you don't watch it.
Me: No.  I find it annoying.
OM: Oh.  (looks like I just killed her puppy).

Seriously people?  As DSS would say...Bless her little heart.

Positive Train - Spreading the LOVE!!

Check out the fun quote that mrsmfc sent me after she read my last post:

I love it.  WHOOO WHOOO!!  hahaha I think I'm delirious.  Sugar high.

Blue Monday vs the Positive Train

This past Monday was known as Blue Monday here in the UK.  I woke up to the BBC Breakfast team telling me it was the most depressing day of the year.  And it's scientific:

According to a press release by a mental health charity,^[3] the formula is:

where weather=W, debt=d, time since Christmas=T, time since failing our new year’s resolutions=Q, low motivational levels=M and the feeling of a need to take action=N_a. 'D' is not defined in the release, nor are units.

(from Wikipedia)

Anywhoo, I thought it was funny because I felt the opposite of depressed.  For the first time in a few weeks I woke up feeling like I was in a really good mood!  I think I just finally got myself into the swing of the new year.  It was a good feeling!  Well when I got to work, I realized that people basically take this whole Blue Monday thing and use it as an excuse to be a dick.  Everyone was in a bad mood.  People drive faster, are less polite, push past you...this has been a trend I've noticed since I got back after Christmas, but it's totally been maximized this week.  Tuesday was the same.  

Finally, on Wednesday, I woke up and thought, you know what?  This is it.  Everyone in my office has the blues, and I'm tired of walking out of work feeling like I need a cocktail and a punching bag.  I'm bringing the positive train back to town.  I got to work on Wednesday and announced that I am making an effort to single handedly turn the office attitude around.  I vowed NOT to complain during the hours of 9-5:30.  Even in post work drinks, I'm going to try and stay above the nastiness.  If people complain to me, I'm going to listen, and try and show them the bright side, or help them understand the other side of the argument.  

SO FAR SO GOOD!  Wednesday was good, everyone was smiling more when they saw me.  Thursday I continued (although I did have a minor fall off the train when I made a factual, yet slightly snarky comment about someone), and today I'm bringing others on board.  People are smiling more, laughing more, and all in all seems like they are in a better mood!  Just goes to show that one person really CAN make a difference!!  

So friends, bring the positive train to your office!  ALL ABOARD!!!!!

My dress is famous!

When I was home in November after a work conference (had a long layover in Jersey to pop by and see the fam), my mom had a gala for the charity that she is on the board for.  My sister and decided to go shopping for dresses.  This is how shopping goes when I'm with my sister - she picks out expensive dresses, I try them on and buy them.  She's essentially my stylist.  Anyway, I ended up buying this saucy little number from BCBG:

Liz just emailed me and said that Amanda Holden was caught wearing the same dress!!  You may not know who she is, but over here, she is famous.  She is most known for her role as judge on Britain's Got Talent.  I know the American equivalent isn't very popular, but over here they LOVE it.  Anyway, you can see the full article in the Daily Mail: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-1343844/So-HAS-Amanda-Holden-hiding-baby-bump.html

But here is picture if you don't want to bother:

Note to self, next time, before I wear the dress, get a tan.  Then I'll totally look like she does!

I'd like to thank my stylist, Liz, for her ability to shop outside of her (and almost my) price range.  Clearly, it paid off!!

Happy New Year!

Happy New Year!  I am back in Londres and not digging this whole "going back to work" thing.  After two weeks out of the office, I think I forgot how to work.

However, I had a great time at home.  Christmas was not without it's family excitement (read: craziness), but it went by very quickly, as it always seems to do.  Sunday I woke up to tons of snow, and it just kept coming (that's what she said)!  My dad was very happy because he got to use old Bessy.

In total, we got about 20 inches of snow!

  It was crazy.  So Sunday was pretty much a bust, but by Monday the streets were all cleared!  I love America.

The rest of the week was filled with adventures to the mall with my mom and Liz, lunches with friends, dinner with family, etc, etc.  On Thursday, Katie came down from Boston and spent the night.  We watched Inception.  It was the first time I had seen it.  Katie thinks in the end it was reality.  I think it was a dream.  I think this highlights our opposing views - she is more optimistic, I'm a little bit more cynical (I'm working on it!).

Friday we took the train into the city for new years.  We went to Margy's house to get ready, and then headed over to Maura's for a party.  Here's just one picture (photobombed by my brother..thanks Mike!):

I think we all had a great time.  Low stress, lots of laughs, some dancing.  Then a few of us went to meet Lindsey and her bf at a club in the west village.  Around 4 am, Katie, Margy and I headed back to Margy's, complete with pizza in hand (my first meal of 2011).

The next morning we went to brunch, then Katie and I headed back to Jersey, and shortly after I headed off to the airport. I always think 10 days is such a long time, but it really flies by!